My Deck of Cards

My Deck Of Cards.

The way I’ve lived my life isn’t always ideal.

These are the cards I’ve decided to deal.

Shuffle the cards, maybe you’ll see,

Who I am, and what’s the tea.

Spades are for the garden,

For Growth.

Ace of Spades is where I scraped my knee on the tree root that hid in the grass,

It was in the worst spot, but it wasn’t always that bad.

The 2 of Spades is the giving tree that I laid underneath on the bad days,

She was always there for me in the best ways.

The 3 of Spades is where I’d hide behind the bushes with my best friend,

Telling secrets that will be secrets until the end.

The 4 of Spades is the pathway located on my old cul de sac covered in trees and bush,

A shortcut to the park, a way to happiness, though often we fell on our tush.

The 5 of Spades, the porch swing of my neighbor across the street,

When Halloween came around, we’d play pretend witches and into the night we shriek.

The 6 of Spades are the bonfires with Sunjo in my front yard.  

The entire cul de sac would pull up a chair, not enough attention was giving to the s’mores charred.

The 7 of Spades, having races with all of the kids in the neighborhood to see who could roll down Karen’s lawn the fastest.

Allie always hit the mailbox, Cassie always hit the flowers hiding in the basket.

The 8 of Spades is building igloos in the front yard on snow days,

Shining bright, the sun would soon shine her rays.

The 9 of Spades was making our own waterpark in the front yard,

Running through the sprinklers fast and hard.

The 10 of Spades, the nights spent catching fireflies on warm summer nights before bed,

Capturing them in a jar, watching them glow, “let them free in the morning.” Mother always said.

The Jack of Spades, dancing in the rain in our shirts and shorts,

Coming in soaked, we did things of all sorts.

The Queen of Spades is gardening on the east side of my house,

Pulling weeds always got my mother roused.

The King of Spades, my father playing football, soccer, and basketball with us,

Without him playing, it was absolutely no fun.

Clubs are for dancing,

For having wholesome fun.

The Ace of Clubs was the wedding I went to with my great auntie,

We dish-ragged all night on the dancefloor, the music was daunting.

The 2 of Clubs was opening the blinds on a summer night and dancing for the neighborhood to see,

I was the kind of happy they wished they could be.

The 3 of Clubs, attempting cartwheels in the backyard until our hands were tired,

Our energy, still wired.

The 4 of Clubs, spinning in the field each Halloween, eyes screwed closed,

Secrets in the air that have made us composed.

The 5 of Clubs was watching the sunset in a new place,

A much-needed break from a world filled with haste.

The 6 of Clubs, hanging out of the window as we drive through the city,

The music blaring loudly, and we feel so pretty.

The 7 of Clubs, you see that’s a fun one,

Staying up telling stories until we would wake up the sun.

The 8 of Clubs was falling in love,

It felt so real, but nothing to be proud of.

The 9 of Clubs came crashing down,

Leaving the home that I knew, my favorite town.

The 10 of Clubs was where I made new friends,

But after freshman year, they came to their ends.

The Jack of Clubs, joining every club there was,

Even the ones I didn’t want to because,

The Queen of Clubs is the lady I’ve known since age none,

Asked me so kindly to join more than one.  

The King of Clubs was my high school experience,

The one that made me inquisitive and curious.

Hearts are for falling,

For being in love.

The Ace of hearts was my first kiss,

It’s sad it didn’t happen when I wanted it.

The 2 of hearts, that butterfly feeling,

The kind that keeps your mind wondering, reeling.

The 3 of hearts was the first guy I ever really liked,

He was horrible for me, but we all have to learn, right?

The 4 of hearts, that chest sinking suffocation,

You’re crying so hard that the only thing to drown you out is the blaring radio station.

The 5 of hearts is lying in bed,

Wondering why you’re not good enough if it was something you said.

The 6 of hearts was finding a guy who loved me for who I was,

He was an amazing guy, he loved me “just cause”.

The 7 of hearts was our first kiss,

The kind you see in movies, at the top of the Wheel of Ferris.

The 8 of hearts was falling hard and falling fast,

We were inseparable, I thought this time it would last.

The 9 of hearts was him meeting my family,

Love for him started brambly.

The 10 of hearts, I was happy with how things were,

He posted a picture of me, the caption? “I love her”.

Jack of hearts, she walked in, and immediately I was uneasy,

We were “just friends” too baby, it makes me queasy.

The Queen of hearts, we broke up and before long he was with her,

I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t leave my bed for days.  It hurt.

The King of hearts, I’ve moved on,

But my heart to you is still drawn.

Diamonds are for admiration,

For new beginnings.

The Ace of diamonds, I got out of bed one morning,

My family hadn’t seen me in days, due to the relationship I was mourning.

The 2 of diamonds was when I started seeing friends again,

Laughing felt good, my mind was ready for when,

The 3 of diamonds was the first time my fingertips touched a ukulele,

The gift of music is something I gave to me.

The 4 of diamonds was when I started the self-discovery process,

Looking up at the sky while I was at the pool, realizing how my life is blessed.

The 5 of diamonds was a movie date with a boy I’d had a crush on since sophomore year,

Talking, laughing, and smiling ear to ear.

The 6 of diamonds, I took a vacation to a beautiful far away place,

I started forgetting what it felt like to look at his face.

The 7 of diamonds was falling in love with nature, and realizing I was all I need,

For the earth plants something in you and hope is the seed.

The 8 of diamonds, I stand up for what I want now,

She’s not a doormat, that she won’t allow.

The 9 of diamonds was saying what I mean and meaning what I say,

I stay this way forever I pray.

The 10 of diamonds was finally learning to love my weekends alone,

For you won’t judge yourself if you eat 10 ice cream cones!

The Jack of diamonds, loving the skin I was in without requiring someone else telling me to,

They say you should love yourself before involving yourself in a relationship, and now I do.

The Queen of diamonds, being at peace with yourself,

Putting yourself on a pedestal, on a higher shelf.

The King of diamonds, sharing your growth a person,

Learning to love in a better version.

My deck of cards, how I hold them dear,

You are a true blessing to give them your ear.

They share a story that you may learn from,

In your faith, they will affirm.

-jgs