Shining Stars

I lean into your beauty

observing you from a far distance

I point at you every time I see you shine bright

How I love stars 

~Tazz

Identity

  I’ve always been a charitable man. In fact, I’ve dedicated my life to charity work. I started my own homeless shelter, funded by my own money. I found the joy of giving when I was very young at the public park. I was there with my mother, and I had met another boy there who was all alone. Looking back, it was obvious that he wasn’t well off: his entire body was dirty and there were dark rings under his eyes. At the time I didn’t connect all of the details, but I enjoyed playing with the boy. As we were about to leave, I asked my mother if she had any candy in her purse. She wasn’t sure, but after a bit of digging produced a sucker. I handed it to the boy as we were leaving, and seeing the joy on his face ignited my love for caring for the less fortunate. 

This is why my current predicament is confusing to me. Somehow, I have found myself in the middle of a bank robbery along with a gang of other masked men. I can not remember how I got here, or recall the names of any of the masked men. I was stunned to realize that I was here, and not only that, but I am also pointing the gun in my hands at a defenseless woman. It feels as though I am watching myself from the inside of my own head. I can hear myself shouting orders, and watch myself angrily wave the gun in the air. I have no control over what is happening. I am trapped in my own mind while my body goes on without me, doing everything against what I worked so hard for. I hear a large explosion, and shortly after a couple more masked men come running around the corner, bags of money slung over their shoulders. I watch myself follow them, pile into a van, and go screeching down the road. Helplessly, I watch as I shoot at the cops chasing us, leaning out of a window. I watch chaos unfold through the city as the chase goes on.

Suddenly, I am back at my shelter for the homeless. I am in the kitchen, I have control over myself again. Shocked at the events I had seen unfold through my own eyes, I stumbled over to a chair to sit down. I have no idea if what I saw was real, it had all felt like a horrible nightmare. I reach into my pocket, and a wad of dollar bills suggested the truth.

-Myk

Seasonal Anxiety

Every season is seasonal anxiety

But fall is when I'm at my worst. 

It feels as if I can't breathe

 but my lungs are overfilling with air about to explode.

Big sweaters and baggy jeans are always comforting.

but in the back of my mind, I still think 

"Is everyone watching me? Am I going insane?' 

I try everything to calm down but nothing works

From the pumpkin scent to leaves falling 

I still cannot find a soothing way to calm down.

~Tazz

Notes

Constant noise 6:40

58:40 episode 31

5:42, 5:51, 21:13, and 22:39

Crust 57:05 to 1:15:45

Experience 1:06:35

Complete 1:22:45

Killers 1:52

War 0:30

Parade 0:30

Goal 41:15

Worst Show 5:48:04

Arrival 9:27

Lambda 9:01

-Myk