The Perfect Guy

 Yep, that's me.  No not the one who’s pregnant, the one next to her.  No, not that one either.  I’m the girl with the dog.  My best friends are all happily married with families started but then there's me… with my dog.  His name is Stevie.  That’s the only boy I need in my life… will I’d like to be married but my friends keep setting me up on ridiculous dates.  There’s absolutely no hope for me with the crazy kinda dates I’ve been on.

The first guy didn’t seem too bad because he had a kind friendly kinda childish personality.  Well, when I said childish I really meant it.  Every time he responded to my messages it was always something called a “Me Me” and tons of Tik Toks.  I eventually learned to deal with it but then our first date was at an arcade.  I thought Oh maybe this could be fun… WRONG.  He paid more attention to the games and teaching me tips and old history than me.  There was no being Pacman and Mrs. Packman for us.  I almost went street fighter on this guy for being so annoying.  Game over for me.  As I was leaving I ran into a very polite guy I never got his name but he held the door open for me and looked like an off-brand version of Shawn Mendes so that's what me and my friends call him.  

The next guy was WAY classier.  He loved museums.  Especially art museums.  That’s where our first date was… and the last date.  He was so passionate about the stupid girl reading a book that he didn’t notice someone was hanging up a framed picture of a doctor shooting a burger… an odd choice but okay.  I looked closer and realized it was Walmart Shawn Mendes.  While professor boring was babbling on and on about the painting I went over and asked Dollar Tree Shawn why he was doing that and he simply responded cause it was funny and walked to the other side of the room so I followed.  We sat there laughing about how many people thought it was a true masterpiece and trying to decipher what it meant.  Then my date came back over and we left.  Still never got Dollar General Shawn’s name but oh well I’ll probably never see him again right?  

The latest guy was a construction worker.  He was super fun to talk to, loved the outdoors, and was pretty athletic.  This one was for sure a keeper.  That is until I realized I hate those things.  For our first date, he asked if I wanted to go on a hike with him and I said sure why not.  Well little did I know hiking should be considered an Olympic sport because I barely walked half a mile and my feet already hurt.  Somehow though, people were running these trails with near-perfect form not even breaking a sweat while I had to sit down every ten minutes going downhill.  I remember at one point he said watch this and jumped over a canyon leading to his demise with minimal effort.  Then I looked over and oh of course there’s my friend who has her entire super athletic perfect family taking a picture in the sunset.  Way to go Vanessa I bet you only took the picture silhouetted so no one saw how sweaty you look cause we both know you're not as athletic as you make it seem.

I told my date that I didn’t think this was going to work out since I never workout and to him, that's an issue so he left and I decided to sit in a field of beautiful yellow flowers.  Then oh look who happened to be there too.  It was Costco Shawn Mendes.  He came and sat by me and we talked and talked and talked.  I was almost fully convinced he was stalking me until he too said that he was going on some pretty bad dates to all of those places.  We fell and love and eventually got married and that my son is how I met your dad Shane Marandez.

-L