As Seen On TV

We interrupt your scheduled programming to bring you this message.

Hi, Milly Bays here with a fantastic offer

The easy-dump fryer and dual-veggie chopper

In one easy sweep from the knife to the oven

This pan makes a meal your family’ll be loving

Hi, Tarles Francesco, I’m back in the kitchen

With product reviews for which I’m sure you were itching

A chopper-pan combo that I should mention

Is a disgrace to God and mankind’s worst invention

Most choppers are tiny, not made for a pumpkin

Now sliced up in minutes, ready for consumption

Tomatoes and onions and melons and pickles

Our stainless steel blades cut even through nickels

It just isn’t practical for any usage

The long, blunted blades bring problems in surplusage

Taking full-body effort to slice down potatoes

All while creaking and cracking a chorus staccato

But wait, there’s more!

No needlessly spilling produce on the table

When it comes to catching the fryer is able

To trap in the food and then trap in the flavors

Making fresh, crisp fries for both you you neighbors

But that’s not to mention the tricky contraption

Attaching the chopper to pan where there upon

You can’t even stir while the stirrer is frying

‘Cause the machine on top will stop all of your trying

It’s dishwasher friendly, so easy to clean

You can’t fit it into a washing machine!

Durable copper makes food slide right off

And adds shavings of metal to beef stroganoff

And if you thought I was done

Call right now!

And they throw in another!

A second deathtrap

For your sliced-carrot lovers

For 10 easy payments of 9.99!

Plus shipping and handling for seven week’s time

So do yourself a favor and

Call now! Don’t even bother.

-Gaston