Daddy

  "Thud. Thud. Thud." Three steps from the door. Do I have time to catch you before you walk out that door to the chilly morning air disappearing to work for the day? I lay in bed, my mind arguing with my body whether or not to get out of my warm bed, race up the stairs with the little energy I have in my limbs, and hug my Daddy. My mind wins; Love always wins, it overpowers everything.
   You bust your back working three jobs. I admire you, I look up to you, and I want to be just like you. So when you told me I could start working at the unit, I was so excited because I knew that meant spending more time with you. I would get to work hard right beside you. But even though I get to see you more on the weekends now, I still don't like the job. I need it though, so I keep showing up. Now I am just like you Daddy; I have three jobs so I can pay for college. You always tell me that I shouldn't worry about money, and do what makes me happy.
   You grew up poor, nine siblings, and a mom that rarely was home. I've always loved your way of parenting. You buy us kids pop and candy, despite what mom says, just because you never got it as a kid. You are strict when needed, but you are pretty laid back. I've always hated the moments I know I have done wrong and you find out, then you give me a big speech about how disappointed you are in me. That's always the worst. When you are disappointed in me.. not mad..disappointed. I always want to go and hug you and tell you I'm sorry and I will change my attitude. Sadly, I know I won't change and I know if I say sorry you will ignore that I have said the words. I am sorry though, I'm sorry I take things out on you and mom. I know you are just trying to lead the way for me.
   I remember when I would wrap my little hands around your muscular arms and hang on them. I still have little hands, you still have your big furry, muscular arms, but I'm too big now to hang on them as you lift me up and down. I remember that song I always used to listen to, "I loved her first" by Heartland. You would dance with me in the kitchen to it. That's when I swore I would dance with you to that song at my wedding someday. I remember growing up that you called me Do Whopper, and sang me the one Ragdoll song (even though the song is inappropriate) I was your Ragdoll because I always did everything with you. I always had to come with, and cried till I got to if mom said no. I miss those days Daddy. I wish I could spend more time with you. I wish I could see you, and hug you more. I sit in school on days I have a bad day and get sad because I know I'm too busy that night to go home and hug you. I love your hugs, they make me feel loved. I know I need to make more time for you. And I will, starting now.